So I went to lunch with a coworker a couple of days ago and was telling her about the night before and how I got mad with my husband. I explained that Evan and Bri were at the house and the three of them were sitting in the living room watching TV. I was in the bedroom doing stuff and had the TV on. I told her that there are times that I just want to be with John alone...not even with my children around. I told her that I wanted to be able to talk to him in private even though I really had nothing to say. I told her that I asked him twice to come and spend time with me in the bedroom and twice he told me he wasn't ready. Not ready to leave the living room, not ready to come into the bedroom, not ready to be alone with me, not ready for what. I explained to my friend that I did not want anything from him except his company. Her comment to me was, I am needy and I stated perhaps I am with him. I love him and wanted to be with him.
When I got in the car and I thought about our conversation. I was asking myself if I am needy with John and the answer is no. Its not unreasonable to want to spend time with the one you love. The Lord spoke to me. He told me, I feel like you do when I have arranged time together and you tell me you're not ready. My heart was hurt. I understood. I did not want anything from John except his company. The Lord does not want anything of me except my company..private and alone, where I can be real and myself because that is what He loves.
